No Comprendo

Posted on June 13th, 2008 — in Humor Management

The noontime peace on our townhouse patio was suddenly shattered by the raucous bellow of a leaf blower. A South American gardener’s helper and his blower machine inexorably advanced toward my patio and my waiting lunch. The dust swirled in the sun as he swept the patios clean.

I frantically looked around for a non existing cover for my lunch. Knowing that he spoke no English, I semaphored for him to cut off his blaster, alternating my signals between chopping at my neck with stiffened hand and pointing to my mouth and my food. A blank stare confirmed my suspicion that I wasn’t coming across.

Finally, the young man looked up with what seemed like comprehension and turned off his machine. I pointed to my lunch (which consisted of a bowl of hot mushroom soup, a piece of Russian rye toast, a cup of coffee and a slice of pound cake for dessert.

I thanked him for the silence, prepared to enjoy my lunch. He suddenly broke out in a big grin, pulled out the chair and started eating! Dumbstruck, I watched him dig in. Bemused, I allowed myself two brownie points, one for not saying anything and one for doing my good deed of the day.

Retired portrait photographer. Now I can laugh.

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Hay Fever Is a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Thing

Posted on April 7th, 2008 — in Humor Management

Remember, hay fever is an allergic reaction caused by grass and trees. And should not be confused with grass and tree fever, which is caused by hay.

Hay fever is a terrible horrible no good very bad thing because your eyes water and your nose runs and you look like you’re dying.

And the only people who want to kiss you are sicker than you are.

Now, this important public service message from the National Runny Nose Institute. Remember, if you have hay fever, your illness need not necessarily lead to serious death if you follow these simple, tried and tested hay fever rules:
1. Stay away from pollen.
2. Do not sleep in trees.
3. Do not stick ragweed up your nose.
4. Whenever you feel like it, sneeze.
About the Author

Joe Hickman is a veteran humorist and editor at HaLife.com

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